I am not sure if anyone else gets a sort of nervous energy before a holiday or before they finish up work for any period of time. I always seem to get it before I take time off and I am most definitely feeling it before maternity leave. It is the sort of energy that causes you to do completely unnecessary things like clean the whole house from top to bottom before you go on holiday. When I worked for my dad I gutted his office before going away for just a week. This office had needed gutted for the best part of 15 years so why I felt that doing it before I went away made any sort of difference I will never know. Does anyone know what this is called? If you do please comment. When pregnant people call it nesting but, as I say, it is not specific to this period of my life and if I am honest the last thing I need it be worrying about are pointless things right now.
Before I delve into this week any further I should say that my plan to be incredibly organised in the evening and train when dinner was just reheating worked really well! I felt under far less pressure in the evenings and so managed to do four good training sessions. Why is it though that when you sort out one thing something else goes wrong? This week I spent the entire time feeling overwhelmed and making mental notes of all the things I needed to do before maternity. Some of them necessary, but many completely unnecessary as though instead of preparing for a short period of maternity leave I was some how preparing to never be able to work again.
I suppose with any change there is the element of the unknown and unpredictability of the situation that makes you want to be as organised as you possibly can. This might not be my first baby but that doesn’t mean that the experience will be exactly the same and there are always so many elements that are out with your control that I do want to be prepared.
Ironically, since my first maternity leave I have so much more support in the business and there are people that can keep it going without me. The last time I was completely a one man band so when I stopped the business stopped. I thought that this extra support would make me less stressed but somehow it hasn’t, I feel more responsibility and almost more of an urgency in moving forward. I want the business to keep growing and I think it can do this without me working full time for a period, but I am worried about how that will look as I have never not been at the front and centre of everything happening. That will take adjustment but I think there will be many long term benefits of this change being forced upon me.
It really has been a stressful and tiring week due largely to me overthinking things so in order to stop myself going mad I have mad a checklist of things I must do before I stop, things I would like to do and things that I don’t need to do but might make me feel more organised. I am going to tick them off in order of importance knowing that the final things on the list are unlikely to get done but that seeing them on the list itself makes me feel slightly better.
If you have any other tips for managing this type of nervous energy please let me know! Any advice welcome!
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